Jokes Galore!

[kingkid]

The following jokes are not true, any creature, human or non-human, that says that these jokes happened, are possible then please PM me and I will show you that its not true.

P.S. Some of these jokes are about blondes and if you are a blonde then please do not hesitate to say so and I can remove them (that is if your a blonde mod or admin, wait isint there one admin?... and isint he a guy?...)


#1: Three guys from China had just won a lottery ticket to America but the only problem was they didnt know English. So about 5 hours before their departure to America the one had an idea, to watch an American movie and learn English. So the first man went to watch the three stooges and learned the words "We three men.", he then went back to the other 2 men and told them that he learnt a words in English and told them what it was. The second man got jealous and went to watch a movie to learn English and watched a mobster movie, The Godfather, and he learned the words "We did it for the money!" when he went to go tell the other two men about what he learned the third man got even more jealous and went to the theatres and watched the movie Baby Genuises and learned the words "I think that's a great Idea!". By that time it was time for their departure so the three men took their suitcases and a surfboard with them to the plane. When they finally landed in America, they rented a truck and loaded their stuff when all of a sudden a business lady who always wanted to get into people's business came by the three Chinese men when they were unpacking there surfboard and then all of a sudden found a dead body in it. When the lady saw this (who had just came into the picture.) she asked the first man "Who killled this man?" the first man said "We three men.", she then asked "Why did you do it?" the second man said "We did it for the money." By this time the crazed lady was convinced that these crazy Chinese were the ones who killed the man and asked the third man "I don't know, I think I'm gonna call the cops!" and the third man replied "I think that's a good idea!"



#2: Three blondes went out into the forest and found some tracks, the first one said "Those are deer tracks.", the second one said "No, those are elk tracks." and the third one butted in and said "No, your all wrong those are moose tracks!" right when they were still arguing a train ran them over.



#3: A idiot went to go work at a banana factory but the man fired him. So once he was out he told an hobo "I don't know what I did wrong, I was just being a good employee.", the hobo then said "What do you mean by 'I was just being a good employee'?", the idiot said "I just threw all the bent bananas away!"



#4: Three women were about to get executed, a redhaired lady, a greenhaired lady and a blonde lady. The said to the Executer said in a big, scruffy voice "Any last words?". The redhaired lady said "Yes" and said "Tornado!" everyone including the Executer look behind themselves and the redhaired escape. Next came the greenhaired lady, the Executer said "Any last words?" the greenhaired lady said "Yes" and said "Tsunami!" everybody including the Executer looked behind themselves and the greenhaired lady left as fast as the wind. When it finally came to the blonde, the blonde haired lady knew what to do by now, so the Executer said "Any last words?" and blonde lady said "Yes" and says "Fire!" and they kill her.



#5: Doctor, Doctor my sister thinks shes a dog!
Doctor: Then dont let her on the couch!


#6: Knock, Knock. Whos there? banana! Banana who?
Knock, Knock. Whos there? banana! Banana who?
Knock, Knock. Whos there? banana! Banana who?
Knock, Knock ( dont worry this part is interesting and I feel your pain,... actually I dont feel your pain.) Whos there? orange! Orange who? Orange you glad I didnt say banana!?!?


#7: A boy and a girl were both on a bench. The girl askes the boy "Do you like me?" and the boys says "Yes" and the girl says "Really!?" and the boys says "Yes, your lips are like petals!" and the girl says "Really!?" and the boy says "Ya, bicycle petals!"


#8: Can a match box?
No but a tin can!


#9: Two sausages are in a pan. One looks at the other and says "Gosh, It's hot in here. the other sausage says, "GOODNESS GRACIOUS, IT'S A TALKING SAUSAGE!"

And we saved the best for last! Ladies and Gentlefish, Toys and Squirrels, I present to you the 10th Joke Galore!!!

#10: Terminator is walking down a busy New York street when he sees a cockroach, he looks at it, takes out his nuclear blaster and says "Prepare to die!!!" and blasts his nuclear blaster at the cockroach. Five months later only that cockroach survived.


Remember: If you want more jokes, riddle, Freaky Facts or pranks then feel free to PM me and so on and so forth and blablablabla nevermind... you get the picture!

[basim96]

Lol funny. But theres a mistake in the first one, the second man doesn't say We three men again, but says we did it for the money lol.

[kingkid]

I like doing jokes like this cos it my therapist says it brings out my inner funnyness jk

[basim96]

Lol. And you put it in your status.

[kingkid]

YUP! i feel that ppl are getting more and more boring every day so thats why I did this, just think of me as Dr. Phil but with hair and much, much funnier.